Tuesday, February 24, 2009

new heart, new spirit

My blog is back! And better than ever. I think. I don't think I will post any more of my book- but I would like to start sharing what it is I'm learning. A blog devotional. If only blogspot could give me a layout with christian fishies in the background.

I read Philipians and Thess. today and was really encouraged. Especially the directives- love on another, don't snap at one another when you're angry, help the exhausted, be tenderhearted. just simple, simple stuff that often gets lost in philosophy and self absorption. But this is how Christ wants us to live. Also- in Philipians he says 'there's far more to this life than trusting in Christ. There's also suffering for him. And the suffering is as much as a gift as the trusting."

I love that. and it is so, gloriously true. Right now, when we feel this way, our praise is all the more precious and worthy. An 'i love you' is easy when the person is handsome and things are going along all fine and dandy and they are giving you every reason to love them. But imagine an 'i love you' when you're miserable and cranky and nothing seems right. That love is very true. I want to love God in a very true way- and this time when I feel down is the best and maybe only way to express that and know that I really mean it. In sickness and in health- I want to really love Christ.

the world doesnt fit me 

because it's broken

and it broke me 

i know it 

i see it 

need to confess and admit it 

my heart is too small 

my ego too big 

the skin i was in 

held me together
with lies and insecurity 

my eyes were blinders 

and they blindeded me from everything 

but You ripped it away 

and out came Me. 

not the imposter, the imposed 

the fake girl with the false smile 

hard eyes, bitch pose 

that's not me 

that's not me 

it's an actor it's an act 

a liar and a lie 

it's what I thought I needed 

to convince everyone that this was me 

but that's not me 

so You ripped it away 

and out came Me. 

out came a dancer and a dance 

a singer and a song 

out came a living version of me 

a movement waiting to move 

to breathe and scream 

...once a slave now free. 
...once a slaver now free 

hear this poet, hear this poem 

out of a heart too small 

comes a Lover and a Beloved 

this is freedom this is free 

and out came Me.


  1. i'm glad Jesus made you start blogging again!!! ;)
    this is one of my favorite spoken words you do for sure.

    get it.

  2. Love you. In a real true way, even when you're bitchy. Thanks for this.

  3. I remember the first time I read this poem - I'm pretty sure it was on the status website - and I've always loved it. Especially the first verse.

    I also like "so You ripped it away
 and out came Me." There is so much violence conveyed to me through these words and it feels so violent sometimes, these changes that come about.

    But then it transforms into 'out came a dancer and a dance/a singer and a song' and there is true beauty conveyed in the conversion.

    I'm very glad you are blogging about Scripture.

  4. "just simple, simple stuff that often gets lost in philosophy and self absorption. But this is how Christ wants us to live..."

    There is so much wisdom in that. I think we forget so often that true knowledge of something doesn't just proceed from head knowledge or intellectual knowledge. it must be truly lived out in messy human experience for us to KNOW in the deepest sense.

    I also love the blogging about Scripture.

    where's the Icthus? get on that, girl.