My friend Jordan plays guitar and sings at a local restaurant downtown. Before I started working sundays I would sometimes go down there to read and journal and flirt with the gay bartender and listen to him play.
I stopped by there today after work. Jordan came over to chat when he was on break. We talked about the usual books and a few thoughts, and what it is like not going to Status. After a few minutes he had to go back. He stood up, put his hand on my shoulder, and gave me the sufi-stare. However, he had on mirrored aviator glasses so all I could see was my own reflection. I didn't look very good.
"What?" I asked, looking into my wary face.
"If you think it's hopeless, that's because it is." Jordan said abruptly, then walked away.
I sat there and my mind whirled. I grabbed my purse and stopped by his chair.
"Is life hopeless because I think it's hopeless, or is it really just hopeless?" I asked. A split second after asking I knew what his response would be.
"Does it matter?"
"Yes, because one of those has to do with me projecting false emotions on the world. The other means that life really is just this awful and I never noticed it before."
"Which do you think it is?"
"The second one."
I nodded and walked away, trying very hard not to cry.
"I agree with Jordan." Jahred says when I tell him the story later. "The world is awful, full of evil things and people. It is absolutely hopeless. But if the world wasn't so hopeless, there would be no reason for God."